The Witch Next Door

 

                  Pat Spade lived on Old Oak Street, and a beautiful blond had moved in next door to him.  He

believed in saving all souls, and that would have included dogs if he could.  So, he went over to his 

new neighbor's house to invite her to Bible study.  To which his neighbor named Pauline said, "I am

sure, your Bible studies are nice and all, but I believe there are forces of good, and forces of evil.  I do

not believe that there is a God or a Devil.  Therefor no need for a heaven or hell.  When we die, we are 

just reincarnated into someone, or something else, depending on how we behaved on this earth."

                 Pat was saddened by this discourse she had just given him.  For she had told him her belief

system in just a few short sentences.  Pat shook his head at the realization that there was no eternal 

hope for her.  Therefore, he sent a dozen white roses to her house to see if he could get, her attention.

                  Pauline took these roses and put them in a vase.   She then told her cat named Twitch, 

"What a waste of good roses, but I am sure he meant well.  He is a man of God of the Christian Jews, 

and I am of the earth.  We are as different as day and night.  Can't he see that Twitch?  Besides that, I'm 

the enlightened one between the two of us.  That is why I work as a teacher in the History Department.        

                  Halloween came and found Pat busy making pamphlets to hand out to the trick or treaters

 on the Evils of Halloween.  Likewise, Pauline was busy getting herself ready to go to her coven's 

gathering outside of town by the Snake Curve Creek.  The two of them bumped into one another at the

 store.  Pauline last minute supplies for her brew, and Pat was getting some paper and ink for his

 pamphlets.  While Pauline excused herself to get herself together for the evening's activities.  Pat just 

handed her a tract on the Evils of Halloween.

                   Pauline took the pamphlet home, read it, yawned, and threw it in the trash.  She looked at 

Twitch and said, "What an idiot.  Halloween isn't an evil day; it is a day to celebrate the dead.  A day to 

chase away evil spirits.  Then again dark witches celebrate it a little differently worshipping the dark 

side.  Those dark witches give us good witches a bad name.  

                Pauline took Twitch in her electric mini-van and the two of them zoomed away to Snake 

Curve Creek.  There she met with twelve other witches making it a coven of thirteen.  They all quickly

and silently unclothed by the creek bed.  This was part of their worship by becoming part of nature, by 

becoming one with nature.  They then put their brews together to come up with a concoction which 

they drank.  The brew full of different types of herbs made them lightheaded, as well as light on their 

feet.  This concoction also caused them to see visions and dream dreams. 

               Pauline dreamed a dream that she had seduced Pat, and she was impregnated by his seed.  

When she woke up, she was sweating like mad.  One of her older witchy friends explained to her that

sometimes the potion would have that effect on your chemistry.  At which point she told them of the 

dream she'd had.  At which point another witch who was a psychologist told her that perhaps the 

dream was telling her that she had a secret passion for this man Pat. 

              Pauline was shocked, but considered it to be the truth for often things in real life are revealed

in dreams.  Pauline got dressed and went home, where she prepared herself for All Saints Day when 

she would see Pat.  All Saint's Day did come, and upon that day she did see Pat, when upon she was 

wearing a long golden gown. To which she held him close to her body, cautiously seducing him into 

having sex with her.  Nine months later she had his baby naming him Bartholomew Spade.  

                So, Pauline used her bewitching powers, and caused him to fall in love with her.  Patrick did 

fall in love with her, but in return he caused her to be converted to Christ.  After Pauline became a 

Christian, one night after Bible study he proposed to her.  To which she said yes and the two of them 

got married.  Pat, Pauline, and the baby rode off into the sunset living happily ever after.

Paul D. Eccles